Here’s How You Should Be Behaving in Queer Spaces, According to Drag Queens

There was life on the scene before RuPaul’s Drag Race, and then there was life after. The contrasts are stark. Queens today are celebrities, at the fore of mainstream culture and just about every meme grid. Drag is in demand beyond the clubs now—hotel brunches and charity bingo events are just the beginning—but of course, everyone knows that the best shows take place in queer spaces. It’s in the club and at Pride where you get the full, unfiltered performances in all their spunky glory.

That’s why so many flock to major LGBTQIA+ meccas during rainbow season and beyond. In Hell’s Kitchen in NYC and WeHo in LA, or internationally in London, Bangkok, Sydney, Taipei, and Mykonos, queers and their allies are gathering to party. They’re ready to immerse themselves in all things drag, and on the (Cheryl) whole, most of them know the rules. But, some, just some, step outside the glittered lines of behavior to ruffle a queen up. And so we’ve whipped together an etiquette guide for those attending drag shows, events, festivals, and more, with the help of some squirrel friends. The result? Know that now, no matter where you’re heading in the world, you won’t be sashayed away. Condragulations, my dear.

Performance spaces are clearly defined in most establishments, and guests should stay within their assigned parameters. Remember that the audience has paid cover to see drag, not you!

“Whenever someone jumps onstage, my immediate instinct isn't to call security or admonish them,” says drag legend Alaska Thunderf**k 5000. “I let them do their thing, and inevitably, they end up embarrassing themselves and turning the audience against them. All on their own.”

Alaska adds, “The stage is surprisingly dangerous. There are wires, cords, monitors, and things hanging from the ceiling that you may not be aware of. It’s best to stay off unless expressly invited and brought up by the host or the staff. Besides, Drag queens are dangerous, unpredictable, and highly flammable!”

Depending on your group’s mood and comfort, assess where you want to sit before the show begins. Do not shift to the back during a queen’s set or ask for another brunch table. Row A patrons should also be able to laugh things off if the joke happens to be on them. “If you’re sitting in the front row, the spotlight is also on you. Have fun, and be prepared to participate. Just don’t disrupt the flow of the show,” advises Pangina Heals, a judge on Drag Race Thailand and one of the most famous drag queens in Asia.

In Europe and Asia, where tipping isn’t the norm, tickets and drink packages for drag shows may be higher to ensure performers are paid a decent wage. However, in the US, you should be tipping at every segment. Drag is expensive; the cost of hair, makeup, outfits, and even the taxi home tend to add up.

“Club rates in the US vary, but I wish they all paid their entertainers well. We show up every week and bring the party to a business, and in reality, they’d be nothing without us. Until the shows pay better, tips are vital to queens as we’re full-time entertainers who need to make a living.” says Austin-based performer Arinna Heys.

How do you tip at a drag show? With your hand straight out and a smile. “I’m not opposed to being rained on with a few bills, too.” she chuckles. “Just don’t wave the dollar around or pull it back when we try to grab it.” Placing cash in your mouth, or between your cleavage, for her to pluck out is also a no-no.

This goes for both performers and anybody else in a queer venue. It may be tempting to reach out and feel a gorgeous outfit, hairdo, or even padding, but just as it’s not appreciated in any standard bar, it generally isn’t in a gay bar.

“We’re entertainers and they are not at a petting zoo, says Arinna. “I’ve had people spill drinks on me, and ask inappropriate questions, and things can get crazy. It’s all about respect.” adds Arinna. If you happen to see a performer embracing certain individuals, be mindful that they could be a close friend, and the invitation to touch isn’t extended.

The queens on TV are obviously a big draw, but it’s important to show love to the ones who are not on RPDR too. Your drag host, for example, might be one of them. In addition, there’s a drag king scene that doesn’t get the same platform.

“There’s an idea that drag kings aren’t as likely to pull in audiences the same way that queens will, but I think this has more to do with a lack of cultural references and publicly visible drag kings than it does with the quality of the performance,” says British drag king Mark Anthony, “Drag is expensive, and without the opportunities to perform and earn at the same level as queens, it can be hard for kings to sustain costume and aesthetic the way some queens can. The more we’re given the space to perform, the more that audience demands to see us in lineups, and I think the landscape of drag will be more fair and interesting.”

Queer spaces welcome all to join the party. Just be respectful of all the other guests, avoid gawking or groping, and don’t turn the whole venue into your private event with an endless stream of song requests. Be bold and experiment with outfit choices like your fellow ravers. Straight allies at Pride are encouraged to remember why they are attending in the first place: it’s about acceptance and equality. Take a flier, educate yourself, and be open to making all kinds of friends.

There are drag entertainers who are cis men or women, trans men or women, non-binary, and more, so pay attention to the pronouns they give themselves. Don’t make assumptions, and never ask anyone if they’re a ‘real woman’ or ask them about their genitalia. That’s just rude. Pangina, who has a Bangkok nightclub called House of Heals, suggests, “If you’re in doubt, call people by their name.”

Mark Anthony adds, “The language of drag is heavily focused on queens and the performance of femininity, and it can make kings (many of whom identify out of drag as trans, trans-masculine, or non-binary) feel alienated or misgendered. If you can grasp the intricacies of gender that are at play with drag queens you can apply the same logic to kings. In the end, it comes down to research and asking if you’re unsure.”

When in the company of a drag artist, refrain from opening up Grindr. Yes, capture moments and share with your audience, but stay present, engage, and tip where appropriate.

You might also want to check out events like DragCon, where you can support queens further by purchasing merchandise that usually comes packaged with meet and greets. Pangina says, “These events help us connect with fans. Drag queens get so much love, encouragement, and willpower to continue doing what they love when they meet supporters in real life. In a world where drag can be seen as taboo, being surrounded by people who love and revere what you do is incredible.”

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